Currently Listening On And On By Jack Johnson see related

mkay, i'm updating this thing after... a month now? well, one i-wake i have is that my computer at home has been bukkowareteru for over a month (majide) cuz yeah... the zettai ni kowareru hazu ga nai main part was broken or something like that (is what my dad said). and yeah, another i-wake...

not only xanga but like keeping in touch with people in general... tabun i'm the ichiban "keep in touch" tte matsu ni kaita hito nanoni... i was jus majide not doing it at all these past 4 months. why tte? well... dunno. haha. nanka, it seems like i started to care about the things i use to think its stupid-like i won't do anything if i don't get the same/more back from that person, toka, if he/she doesn't seem to care i won't do anything, toka, gosh, haven't used ENGLISH for 4 months now my soremademo poor datta vocabulary is getting worse... can't explain this thing well... wakaru? son (not the musuko, but ‘¹) toka sa, kangaeru yo-ni nacchatta tte kanji... and i was accepting myself as it is cuz i thought thats what means to "grow up"... but NOT.

can't remember when but i realized that i'm completely WRONG. like SHERIOUSLY. the more i pretend like i didn't care the more genki i lost and more... pessimistic? sad? yaruki nai? and stuff i got. cuz you know... it was like loosing my characteristic. like "who i am". i almost forgot that i'm always the one whos karamawari shiteru but thats okay. like, its not sad. karamawachatteru kedo, thats who i am and thats how i am, and i don't have to change it jus because i'm out of hs or jus because i'm in college or jus because. i always loose myself and get all insecure and depressed and all those crap, but yeah. i-ndayone, korede. i mean, itsumono mocha de.

people, don't use too much of your time trying to fit, or try being who you really aren't. cuz honto wa people loves you as you are, maybe not where you're right now but somewhere close. its jus a waste of time... use your time wisely. jibun wo fit saseru jikan nante zenzen naiyo. there are so many people to love out there with jus as you are; using time for that is jus will fill your life with more smiles around you and in yourself

so, i haven't updated this thing for SO LONG, that i really don't know what to write here anymore... but yeah, hope everybody is doing well. to all of my fellow classmates, hope you had a good smooth start at whereever you are... sorry i haven't been writing back-uchi no computer broke down... lol. and to my fellow ko-hais-gakko hajimatta mitaine~ hahaha~ tanoshime~~~ while i can still procastinate and not think about college for another month-pwahaha. to the other people whos important to me but not included in the above-hope you're doing good whereever you are-good kuck good luck.

mkay... i'll be honest. i don't know why but i feel liking crying like heck. its 6:40 in the morning, i'm in the internet cafe before i go off to my baito-i read like... 80 mails in the past hr which has been unopened for so long cuz i have been lazy to read... and here i am trying to figure out WHY the heck i feel like this... anyone have a guess? maybe cuz i've been away from music for so long-my source of music, i pod and computer are both broken, or maybe its cuz i broke my curfue (hai, can't even spell even when i'm out of hs) last night, maybe cuz the "chilling" i went to last night was maji boring and ki-tsukau at the same time, maybe cuz i called dabide after noon before his flight but his ke-tai was already kaiyaku saretetea, or maybe cuz everybody's life goes on and mine doesn't... but i have come to realize that i'm making myself sad by being lazy... i feel so disconnected with the people i really really love and want to keep in touch, when at the same time i feel like i'm using up all my energy and time and effort jus to keep up with the people around me

so my conclusion is that... haha, dunno. that i need some sleep? maybe that'll make me feel better-oh, and one more thinng, japanese society is so sad ne- i'm in cho need of a good comfy hug with people-can't get that here

hai, minasan shitte masuka? motor bike wa engine ga stop shitete oshite aruiteruto, hoko-sha to minasarerundesuyo~ oboetokimasho-ne~ haha. yabai, my brain is maji overheated (right word?) of too much studying these past few days... i'm at my driver's licence gashuku (camp) thingy in kawagoe right now. maaaji yabai. these days i'm studying way more than my senior year for sure. demo so-shinaito i'll flunk my tests-its real easy cuz i have to get more than 90% toka (which i really RARELY did even in school... lol) and if i do, i'll hafta stay longer and pay more... so i better get back to studying...

the sad thing is, this place is SO ghetto i can't go out and see people and stuff. i mean, hanno is pretty bad too, but i still had access to transportation... maji i'm missing minna so bad... i might not be able to write back soon or that long, but tell me how you're doing k? ah, sorekara kuruma ni nottara shi-toberuto shimasho~ hahaha

Currently Listening Ketsunopolis V.4 By Ketsumeishi ƒhƒ‰ƒCƒu see related

so today is Žµ—[-tanabata- and you know, the orihime and hikoboshi no whole story right? (if you don't, you better find out what it is cuz its JYO-SHIKI) arette saa... don't you think it doesn't make sense? why does it matter that its cloudy or rainy? i mean, its suppose to be taking place ABOVE the rainy clouds and even the ozone layers jyan. so i think some revision should take place in that story... "we can see them meet when its clear on tanabata night, but it doesn't matter to them... amanogawa ga deteru kono tanabata to yu- hini wa, maitoshi kanarazu orihime to hikoboshi wa saikai wo hataseru no deshita... naze nara otagai ni otagai ga unme- no hito dakara" mitaina kanji. dou? motto romantic jyanai? : P

first time i heard it i thought it was a crazy idea but after giving it a thought, to be able to be the closest in japan to amanogawa on tanabata night...  chotto urayamashi-na...

Currently Listening Tashikanakoto By Kazumasa Oda see related

so... its almost like... 2 WEEKS now... and yeah, it seems like i haven't moved on from that time. i'm guessing thats why i don't get sad toka (which kinda started to feel it from 3 hrs ago). i feel like i'm wasting time doing this right here but i can't find any thing to do for the moment... i mean... yeah. haha. i hope you understand. theres this aseri that i have to do so many things and want to do so many things, but its just not available right now or its this vague "something" that i really don't know what...

anyways. haha. i thought i got over the "depressive ages" but i feel it coming back. i think its because i spend so much time alone these days... majide, if i had to choose from being really really poor but being with people or being really really rich but alone, i would DEFINITELY go for being poor dane. haaa.... *sigh* i think i'm starting to miss "people"...